Nv Jie (女誡)

鄙人愚闇，受性不敏，蒙先君之餘寵，賴母師之典訓。年十有四，執箕帚於曹氏，於今四十餘載矣。戰戰兢兢，常懼絀辱，以增父母之羞，以益中外之累。夙夜劬心，勤不告勞，而今而後，乃知免耳。吾性疏頑，教道無素，恆恐子穀負辱清朝。聖恩橫加，猥賜金紫，實非鄙人庶幾所望也。男能自謀矣，吾不復以為憂也。但傷諸女方當適人，而不漸訓誨，不聞婦禮，懼失容它門，取恥宗族。吾今疾在沈滯，性命無常，念汝曹如此，每用惆悵。間作《女誡》七章，願諸女各寫一通，庶有補益，裨助汝身。去矣，其勖勉之！

I am a person of shallow and coarse understanding, not clever by nature. I have depended entirely on the blessings left by my late father and on the instruction of my mother and teachers. At fourteen I came to the Cao family to take up the dustpan and broom as a wife, and now it has been more than forty years. All these years I have been careful and cautious, always afraid of being dismissed in disgrace, which would bring shame to my parents and burden to my relatives inside and outside the family. Day and night I have worried and toiled, working hard without daring to complain; only from now on do I know that I may be free of fault. I am by nature coarse and dull, and my teaching of my children has had no fixed method; I always feared that my son Cao Gu would disgrace our family in the enlightened court. Unexpectedly, His Majesty showed special favor and even bestowed on him a gold seal and purple ribbon, which is truly more than a humble person like me ever dared to hope for. My son is now able to plan his own career, and I no longer worry for him. But I pity my several daughters, who have just reached marriageable age and yet have not received orderly instruction or heard the rites of being a wife; I fear that when they go to other families they will lose face and bring shame on the clan. My illness now drags on and will not be cured, and life is uncertain; when I think of your situation, my heart is often full of sorrow. So I have used a spare moment to write the seven chapters of the Admonitions for Women. I hope each of you will copy one, and that it may be of some benefit and help you yourselves. I am leaving soon; each of you, strive on!

古者生女三日，臥之床下，弄之瓦磚，而齋告焉。臥之床下，明其卑弱，主下人也。弄之瓦磚，明其習勞，主執勤也。齋告先君，明當主繼祭祀也。三者蓋女人之常道，禮法之典教矣。謙讓恭敬，先人後己，有善莫名，有惡莫辭，忍辱含垢，常若畏懼，是謂卑弱下人也。晚寢早作，勿憚夙夜，執務私事，不辭劇易，所作必成，手跡整理，是謂執勤也。正色端操，以事夫主，清靜自守，無好戲笑，潔齊酒食，以供祖宗，是謂繼祭祀也。三者苟備，而患名稱之不聞，黜辱之在身，未之見也。三者苟失之，何名稱之可聞，黜辱之可遠哉！

In ancient times, when a girl was born, on the third day she was laid to sleep beneath the bed and given a spindle whorl, a piece of tile, to play with, and a fast was observed and an announcement made to the ancestors. Laying her beneath the bed shows that her place is humble and weak, and her proper role is to dwell beneath others; giving her the spindle whorl shows that she should be used to labor, and her proper role is diligent management; the fast and announcement to the ancestors show that she will one day take charge of the sacrificial rites. These three things are, in all likelihood, the principles a woman should keep in daily life, and are the consistent teaching of ritual. To be modest and respectful, thinking of others first and oneself last; to do good without boasting and, when at fault, not to make excuses; to be able to bear humiliation and endure disgrace, always seeming to be in some fear: this is called being humble and lowly. To retire late and rise early, not shrinking from rising before dawn and working past dusk; to manage household affairs without choosing between light and heavy, easy and hard; to finish what one has begun, and to keep what one handles in good order: this is called diligent management. To serve one's husband with a proper countenance and upright conduct, keeping quiet and self-controlled, not fond of play and laughter, and to prepare wine and food clean and tidy to offer to the ancestors: this is called taking charge of the sacrifices. If these three are all present, then to worry that one's good name will not spread, or to fear that dismissal and disgrace will fall upon oneself, is something never seen; if these three are all lost, then where would a good name come from to be spread, and how could one stay far from dismissal and disgrace!

夫婦之道，參配陰陽，通達神明，信天地之弘義，人倫之大節也。是以《禮》貴男女之際，《詩》著《關睢》之義。由斯言之，不可不重也。夫不賢，則無以御婦；婦不賢，則無以事夫。夫不御婦，則威儀廢缺；婦不事夫，則義理墮闕。方斯二事，其用一也。察今之君子，徒知妻婦之不可不御，威儀之不可不整，故訓其男，檢以書傳。殊不知夫主之不可不事，禮義之不可不存也。但教男而不教女，不亦蔽於彼此之數乎！《禮》，八歲始教之書，十五而至於學矣。獨不可依此以為則哉！

The way of husband and wife matches the two poles of yin and yang and reaches through to the spirits; it is truly the great principle between heaven and earth and the great ordering of human relations. Therefore the Book of Rites values propriety in the contact between men and women, and the Book of Songs puts "Guanju" at the head of its collection to make clear the meaning of marriage. (The source text has a miswritten character in the title of this poem; it should read "Guanju".) From this it follows that the way of husband and wife cannot but be taken seriously. If a husband is not worthy, he has no way to lead his wife; if a wife is not worthy, she has no way to serve her husband. If the husband does not lead his wife, the dignity of a husband falls into neglect and decay; if the wife does not serve her husband, the duty of a wife falls into ruin and deficiency. These two matters seem to be opposites, but in principle they are one. Look at the gentlemen of today: they know only that a wife must be led and a husband's dignity must be upheld, so they instruct their sons and restrain them with books and records; but they are wholly unaware that a husband too must be served and that ritual propriety too must be nurtured. To teach sons and not daughters, is that not being blinded about the principle that holds on both sides! According to the Book of Rites, a child begins to be taught reading and writing at eight, and at fifteen should enter the great school. Why should it be only impossible to set a standard for daughters by this same method!

陰陽殊性，男女異行。陽以剛為德，陰以柔為用，男以強為貴，女以弱為美。故鄙諺有云：“生男如狼，猶恐其□；生女如鼠，猶恐其虎。”然則修身莫若敬，避強莫若順。故曰敬順之道，婦人之大禮也。夫敬非它，持久之謂也；夫順非它，寬裕之謂也。持久者，知止足也；寬裕者，尚恭下也。夫婦之好，終身不離。房室周旋，遂生□黷。□黷既生，語言過矣。語言既過，縱恣必作。縱恣既作，則侮夫之心生矣。此由於不知止足者也。夫事有曲直，言有是非。直者不能不爭，曲者不能不訟。訟爭既施，則有忿怒之事矣。此由於不尚恭下者也。侮夫不節，譴呵從之；忿怒不止，楚撻從之。夫為夫婦者，義以和親，恩以好合，楚撻既行，何義之存？譴呵既宣，何恩之有？恩義俱廢，夫婦離矣。

Yin and yang differ in nature, and men and women differ in conduct. Yang takes firmness as its virtue, yin takes gentleness and compliance as its function; in a man strength is prized, in a woman weakness is considered beautiful. Therefore the proverb says: "Give birth to a boy like a wolf, and still fear he will be a [missing character in the source text]; give birth to a girl like a mouse, and still fear she will be like a tiger." This being so, there is nothing more important than "respect" for cultivating oneself, and nothing more important than "compliance" for avoiding harshness. Therefore it is said that the way of respect and compliance is the greatest propriety of a woman. What is called respect is nothing other than being able to last; what is called compliance is nothing other than being able to be tolerant. One who can last knows when to stop; one who is tolerant values courtesy and humility. Husband and wife are fond of each other and do not part all their lives. But moving about together in the same room, as days pass there arises over-familiarity [missing character in the source text; from the sense, it means intimacy that turns into disrespect]. Once disrespect arises, speech goes too far; once speech goes too far, indulgence and willfulness must follow; once indulgence and willfulness come, the thought of slighting one's husband arises. All this comes from not knowing when to stop. Matters can be crooked or straight, and words right or wrong; what one takes to be straight one cannot help contending for, and what one takes to be crooked one cannot help arguing against. Once contention and argument begin, angry quarrels arrive. All this comes from not valuing courtesy and humility. If slighting the husband is not restrained, scolding follows; if anger does not stop, beating follows. Husband and wife should live in harmony and affection by righteousness and be joined in fondness by kindness; once it has come to beating, what righteousness is there to speak of? Once scolding has been uttered, what kindness is there to mention? When kindness and righteousness are both abandoned, husband and wife drift apart.

女有四行，一曰婦德，二曰婦言，三曰婦容，四曰婦功。夫雲婦德，不必才明絕異也；婦言，不必辯口利辭也；婦容，不必顏色美麗也；婦功，不必工巧過人也。清閒貞靜，守節整齊，行己有恥，動靜有法，是謂婦德。擇辭而說，不道惡語，時然後言，不厭於人，是謂婦言。□浣塵穢，服飾鮮潔，沐浴以時，身不垢辱，是謂婦容。專心紡績，不好戲笑，潔齊酒食，以奉賓客，是謂婦功。此四者，女人之大德，而不可乏之者也。然為之甚易，唯在存心耳。古人有言：“仁遠乎哉？我欲仁，而仁斯至矣。”此之謂也。

A woman has four kinds of conduct: first, womanly virtue; second, womanly speech; third, womanly appearance; fourth, womanly work. Womanly virtue need not be exceptional talent or wit; womanly speech need not be quick and sharp of tongue; womanly appearance need not be a beautiful face; womanly work need not be superior skill. To be pure of heart, quiet, chaste, and composed; to keep one's integrity and conduct oneself with order; to know shame in one's own actions and to have every movement and stillness accord with propriety: this is called womanly virtue. To choose one's words, not to speak harsh ones, to speak only when it is time to speak, and not to weary others: this is called womanly speech. To wash away dust and filth [a character is missing in the source text; from the sense, it means washing and cleansing], to keep clothing and ornaments fresh and clean, to bathe at the proper times, and to carry no grime on the body: this is called womanly appearance. To devote oneself to spinning and weaving, not to be fond of play and laughter, and to prepare wine and food clean and tidy to receive guests: this is called womanly work. These four are the most important virtues of a woman, and not one can be lacking. Yet to carry them out is really very easy; it all depends only on whether one keeps the intention. An ancient saying goes: "Is benevolence really far from us? If I wish for benevolence, benevolence is at hand." It speaks of exactly this.

《禮》，夫有再娶之義，婦無二適之文，故曰夫者天也。天固不可逃，夫固不可離也。行違神祇，天則罰之；禮義有愆，夫則薄之。故《女憲》曰：“得意一人，是謂永畢；失意一人，是謂永訖。”由斯言之，夫不可不求其心。然所求者，亦非謂佞媚苟親也，固莫若專心正色。禮義居潔，耳無塗聽，目無邪視，出無冶容，入無廢飾，無聚會群輩，無看視門戶，此則謂專心正色矣。若夫動靜輕脫，視聽陝輸，入則亂髮壞形，出則窈窕作態，說所不當道，觀所不當視，此謂不能專心正色矣。

According to the Book of Rites, a husband has the principle of remarrying, but a wife has no provision for marrying again, and so it is said that the husband is the wife's heaven. Heaven can by nature not be escaped, and a husband can by nature not be left. If one's conduct goes against the spirits, Heaven sends down punishment; if one errs in ritual propriety, the husband grows cold toward her. Therefore the Nüxian says: "To win the heart of this one person is called fulfillment for a lifetime; to lose the heart of this one person is called the end for a lifetime." From this it follows that a wife cannot but seek her husband's heart. But what is called seeking does not mean fawning or flattering or being improperly intimate; there is truly nothing better than being single-minded and upright. To keep to propriety and live in cleanliness, with ears not listening to idle talk on the road and eyes not looking at improper things; not going out in seductive dress, not neglecting one's appearance at home; not gathering in crowds and cliques, and not peering about at gates and doorways: this is called being single-minded and upright. As for those who are frivolous in conduct, with wandering looks and hearing [the source text reads "视听陕输" here; a character may be corrupt, copied unchanged, and the sense should be that the gaze wanders and is unsteady], who at home let their hair hang loose and have no proper appearance, and who outside deliberately strike affected poses, saying what should not be said and looking at what should not be looked at: this is called not being single-minded and upright.

夫“得意一人，是謂永華；失意一人，是謂永訖”，欲人定志專心之言也。舅姑之心，豈當可失哉？物有以恩自離者，亦有以義自破者也。夫雖雲愛，舅姑雲非，此所謂以義自破者也。然則舅姑之心奈何？固莫尚於曲從矣。姑雲不爾而是，固宜從令；姑云爾而非，猶宜順命。勿得違戾是非，爭分曲直。此則所謂曲從矣。故《女憲》曰：“婦如影響，焉不可賞！”

"To win the heart of this one person is called glory for a lifetime; to lose the heart of this one person is called the end for a lifetime." (The source text reads "glory" here, whereas the quotation from the Nüxian above reads "end" in the parallel phrase; the wording differs between the two places, and one of them may be corrupt. It is copied here unchanged.) These words are meant to make a person's will settled and single. Can the hearts of one's parents-in-law be lost? In the world there are those who, though loved, bring about their own separation, and those who, because they do not accord in righteousness, bring about their own break. A husband may say he loves you, yet his parents say you are not good: this is bringing about a break because of not according in righteousness. Then how should the hearts of the parents-in-law be treated? There is truly nothing more important than bending one's will to comply. If the mother-in-law says it should not be so, though in fact she is right, one should of course obey; if the mother-in-law says it should be so, though in fact she is wrong, one should still follow her instructions. Do not resist or quarrel over right and wrong, or weigh crooked against straight: this is called compliant deference. Therefore the Nüxian says: "If a daughter-in-law follows as a shadow follows its form and as an echo answers a sound, what is there that would not be praised!"

婦人之得意於夫主，由舅姑之愛已也；舅姑之愛已，由叔妹之譽已也。由此言之，我臧否譽毀，一由叔妹，叔妹之心，復不可失也。皆莫知叔妹之不可失，而不能和之以求親，其蔽也哉！自非聖人，鮮能無過！故顏子貴於能改，仲尼嘉其不貳，而況婦人者也！雖以賢女之行，聰哲之性，其能備乎！是故室人和則謗掩，外內離則惡揚。此必然之勢也。《易》曰：“二人同心，其利斷金。同心之言，其臭如蘭。”此之謂也。夫嫂妹者，體敵而尊，恩疏而義親。若淑媛謙順之人，則能依義以篤好，崇恩以結援，使徽美顯章，而瑕過隱塞，舅姑矜善，而夫主嘉美，聲譽曜於邑鄰，休光延於父母。若夫蠢愚之人，於嫂則託名以自高，於妹則因寵以驕盈。驕盈既施，何和之有！恩義既乖，何譽之臻！是以美隱而過宣，姑忿而夫慍，毀訾佈於中外，恥辱集於厥身，進增父母之羞，退益君子之累。斯乃榮辱之本，而顯否之基也。可不慎哉！然則求叔妹之心，固莫尚于謙順矣。謙則德之柄，順則婦之行。凡斯二者，足以和矣。《詩》云：“在彼無惡，在此無射。”其斯之謂也。

That a woman can win her husband's heart is because her parents-in-law are fond of her; that her parents-in-law are fond of her is because her husband's younger brothers and sisters praise her. (In the source text the character for "oneself" is miswritten in both phrases, using a similar-looking character; the correct character is meant.) From this it follows that whether I am thought good or bad, praised or slandered, all depends on the husband's younger brothers and sisters, and so their hearts too cannot be lost. People all fail to understand that the hearts of the younger brothers and sisters-in-law cannot be lost, and so they cannot live in harmony with them and win their closeness; this is truly muddle-headed! Except for sages, who is without fault? That is why Yan Hui is admired for being able to correct his faults, and Confucius praised him for not repeating the same mistake; how much more should this apply to women! Even if one has the conduct of a virtuous woman and a naturally clever and wise disposition, how could one be perfect in everything? So when the whole household is in harmony, slander is hidden; when inside and outside are not in harmony, a bad name spreads. This is the inevitable course of things. The Book of Changes, in the Great Appendix, says: "When two people are of one mind, their sharpness can cut through metal; words from a shared heart are fragrant as orchids." It speaks of exactly this. As for the younger brothers and sisters-in-law (the source text reads "sister-in-law's sister" here, which differs from the chapter title "Younger Brothers and Sisters-in-Law"; one of the two may be corrupt, and it is copied here unchanged), they are equal to oneself in rank yet stand among the elders, distant in kindness but close in the bonds of duty. If one is a gentle and modest person, she can build warm relations on the bond of duty and form a support through kindness, so that her own virtue is made known and her faults are covered; her parents-in-law say she is good, her husband says she is fine, her reputation shines in her neighborhood, and the glory extends to her parents. If one is a foolish person, then toward the elder brother's wife she puts on airs of rank to raise her own standing, and toward the younger sister she grows proud and complacent on the strength of favor. Once pride and complacency are displayed, what harmony is left! Once kindness and duty are broken, what praise is left! Then her good points are buried and her faults are broadcast, her mother-in-law is angered and her husband resentful, slanderous words spread inside and outside, and disgrace gathers on her own person; looking back, she has brought shame on her parents, and looking forward, burden on her husband. This is exactly the root of honor and disgrace, the foundation of success or failure; how can one not be careful! So to win the hearts of the younger brothers and sisters-in-law, there is truly nothing more important than modesty and compliance. Modesty is the handle of virtue, and compliance is the conduct of a wife; with these two, harmony is enough. The Book of Songs, in the Hymns of Zhou, "Zhenlu", says: "There, no one dislikes them; here, no one tires of them." It speaks of exactly this.